Ever have a problem with people asking your for advice or for a service from you (that you do… or are trying to do as a business) but not wanting to pay for it? Usually it is friends, acquaintances, relatives, or some such… people who don’t think of themselves as customers. If you are just starting in business, this may be a high proportion of the people you deal with.

And soon, you wonder about your own worth… maybe your information, service, product (whatever you offer) isn’t really worth paying for… since they don’t seem to value it. (I will talk about dealing with the “freebie grabbers” at another time… but don’t feel bad about them, everyone deals with them… just ask the doctor at a cocktail party. “Doc, I keep having this pain right here. What do you think it is?”)

And, maybe, you wonder where the paying customers are. But you don’t feel right chasing customers down and trying to coerce them to buy from you. Good for you… nobody wants to be chased down.

You can get the customers to come to you… but first you have to attract them. And you have to have a clear, consistent message about what service/product they are getting. (And for some of you whose business is largely a “connector business”, if they are/become aware that you are outsourcing the work, they must know what value you add… and still think it is a good value to have you doing it for them.)

Getting customers (and potential customers) to value you and your work/contributions/service/product is inherent in every business. You, yourself, don’t spend money on products or services that you don’t think provide value (your money’s worth.) Even so, you are not a potential customer to every low-end or high-end provider. You make choices about what to spend your money on… and so does everyone else. However, you do have an ideal client. And once you identify that ideal client, you direct all your marketing efforts to reaching that client. But until you have the ideal client in mind, you can’t effectively reach him/her. And until you know what business you are in or want to be in, any attempt to come up with an ideal client will muddled and confused.

(One possible exception is if you somehow already have an ideal client in mind and you work backwards from that to create your business by providing the service or product that the ideal client wants. This is backwards to the normal process but highly intuitive people might be able to work it this way… their intuition telling them what business they need to be in but not being able to reason out what the business should be from the normal process.)

If you need help figuring out what business you are in or who your ideal client is, you might pop over the the website (www.careerandbusinessmentor.com) check out Working with the Mentor. I’ve helped others and you deserve success, too.

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On my website, I have quotes from several successful people extolling the virtue of mentors. In fact, a couple of them pretty much say that if you want to be successful, you should have a mentor.

Now, just because somebody (even somebody successful) says something, doesn’t mean that everybody who hears it will run out and do it. So, let’s take a look at it and see if this is something you should do.

Most people I talk to fall into one of two camps. Either they understand about mentors and the value of them, or they don’t. If you are in the former, you already know that you should have a mentor.

For those of you who aren’t so sure about a mentor, let’s explore a little.

You may not even be sure what a mentor is. If not, let’s start with a definition. The WordNet (originally compiled at Princeton University) dictionary defines a mentor as:

"a wise and trusted guide and advisor"

That definition is repeated in essence in many dictionaries and thesauruses (or thesauri, whichever you prefer). Sometimes they add teacher to the definition, as well.

Do you know anybody who doesn’t need a wise and trusted guide? Anybody who doesn’t want a wise advisor? Anybody who knows everything and doesn’t need a teacher on occasion?

I know that I have had mentors throughout my life. Some of them were consciously performing the role of mentor and others were unaware that they were doing so. But all of them were fulfilling the role.

A teacher might be a mentor, but not necessarily. I have had teachers that were interested in imparting the material, but not necessarily in advising and guiding my life. I have also had friends who were interested in advising and guiding my life, but didn’t meet the wise (and, sometimes, the trusted) part of the definition. Perhaps you have, too.

There are other roles that also fit the wise and trusted guide/advisor definition. But they are not mentors. A consultant might be brought in to advise and to guide a company or person. If the consultant isn’t trusted, then why pay them money? But I don’t know anyone who would characterize every consultant as a mentor (although some consultants are truly mentors.)

Likewise a coach, a therapist, a psychiatrist, psychologist, teacher, etc., may be a mentor, but it is not a given. One of the things that changes the role from “just” a helper to a mentor is an intentional relationship.

It takes intention on at least the part of the recipient (“mentee”) to look upon the trusted advisor as a guide (a mentor) and to be willing to learn in that context. It works best if the relationship is intentional on both sides. Then, deliberate (and often rapid) progress can be made.

An implication of relationship is time. There has to be time spent together (even for virtual mentorships) and the passage of time. Effective mentorships don’t happen overnight nor are they one or two-shot things. A consultant can work with an individual or a business for a limited period of time and deliver solid, valid advice and guidance, but that doesn’t make him/her a mentor.

By the way, a mentor can be paid or unpaid. For this discussion about having a mentor, it doesn’t matter whether the mentor is paid or unpaid. (There are pros and cons to each which I will address in another post.)

So, should you have a mentor? I think so. I think everyone should seek out mentors. I know people who want a mentor, but wouldn’t dream of asking someone to mentor them. If you are one of those people, ask yourself, “how would X know that I want him/her to mentor me?” And answer yourself, “They wouldn’t.”

How much is success (how ever you define success) in life worth to you? Do you think that you can do it all alone? How much more can you achieve if you have someone who has been down the path before (and maybe guided others down the same path) guiding you?

After answering those questions, what are you going to do about it?

Do you have a mentor who made a difference in your life? Join the discussion and tell us about him/her.

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