Recently, I have noticed a lot of people with a lot of resistance… not resistance to me but resistance to their own goals.
Now, the truth is, most people don’t consciously recognize their own resistance. As a result, they don’t acknowledge that they have it. Thus, it becomes a silent saboteur to their success.
There is a lot we could say about resistance, but I am most interested in helping you recognize when you have it and then how to deal with it.
The first thing to realize is that resistance is not, in and of itself, bad. It is usually a part of the non-conscious mind doing its best to ensure your survival.
That is not to say that it is right… just that it thinks it is right.
I have a particular one come up periodically — whenever I am about to tell one of my goals or dreams to someone else. It is very hard for me to do because that part of my brain warns me that it is an unsafe practice. This is because in my childhood and adolescence any articulation of dreams or goals was either ridiculed as impractical or the enthusiasms of a fool. It didn’t take long for my brain to learn that sharing dreams and goals was not in my best interest.
If I was still in the same environment, it would be right. But I am not. And so, what was once a useful survival skill (survival as in coping successfully with the environment) now is a misguided effort that blocks achieving those goals.
Because I am aware of this issue, I can deal with it when it surfaces and make a rational choice about whether or not it is useful in the specific situation.
So, how do you recognize if you have your own internal resistance to one of your goals?
The fastest way to recognize internal resistance (which leads to self-sabotaging behavior if ignored) is to listen for the “yeah, buts”. What are “yeah, buts”? When you say, “I intend to ____” do you hear a little voice in your head that says, “Yeah, but….” and then has a reason why you shouldn’t do [whatever it was you intended to do]?
Sometimes it isn’t so much the actual words, but is a feeling… maybe in your gut… maybe somewhere else. Maybe a headache or a “pain in the neck” or a “pain in the a..”.
In my own example above, it would be a serious feeling of vulnerability… like I was facing someone with a knife pointed at me as I prepared to tell them my intended goal. There is no mistaking that my “survival system” is feeling threatened.
(By the way, for some other situations, I hear a voice (my parents’ voice or my own?) in my head actually saying words… sometimes they may even start out saying, “yeah, but…”.)
Next time, I want to talk about how to deal with that internal resistance once you have identified it. In the meantime, practice looking for it, recognizing it, and then identifying how it manifests in your system. For “bonus points”, identify where it has been holding you back in your life.

Edit:  The followup post to this one is http://blog.careerandbusinessmentor.com/2010/so-deal-with-it/

Your turn. How does internal resistance feel to you? Use the comments and share your story with us.

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Hey, I want to thank you for reading this blog post today. It just goes to prove what an intelligent, creative, and thoughtful human being you are. I mean that sincerely. Why do I say that? Well, that’s who this blog is aimed at. And there aren’t that many of us. So, you are one of select group.

Do you want to extend your influence? Here’s a quick tip… find a common ground between yourself and the person/people you are trying to influence. It doesn’t matter whether you are trying to sell someone something, or to persuade them to a certain way of thinking, or to get them to do you a favor. If fact, it works if you’re just trying to get someone to like you.

We like people who are similar to us. We all know that. And studies have both verified it and quantified it. We also are suspicious of people we don’t like. And of people who are not like us. Them durn foreigners. (Of course, that term can be applied to people who are just like us EXCEPT for ….)

So we like people who are similar to us and we dislike people who aren’t. So what?

The “so-what” is that we LISTEN to people we like and we IGNORE people we dislike. (If you don’t believe it, try listening to talk radio for a bit. Talk about seeing/hearing the principle in action.) How are you going to influence someone who is ignoring you? (They might not appear to be ignoring you, but their mind is filtering out anything you say that they don’t already agree with.)

In order for us to get people to hear us (so that we CAN influence them) we have to get them to like us in some measure. And to do that, we need to find something that THEY acknowledge makes us similar.

It can be based on almost anything… from the same town or region; or the same school or college; the same industry; the same hobby; the same love of a particular piece of music; the same initials or name; the same birth date or month; and on and on.

However, it has to be something that differentiates you and them from the crowd. Just the both of you having two eyes or two ears or other common things won’t work. It doesn’t have to be exclusive to just the two of you, but the more selective it makes the two of you, the stronger the effect.

Now, re-read the first paragraph. Every word I wrote in it is true. And sincere. It is also an example of the principles of this tip for influence. (And I don’t mind pointing this out because I really don’t have anything to hide.)

Try this out and tell me out it works for you.

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