Recently, I have noticed a lot of people with a lot of resistance… not resistance to me but resistance to their own goals.
Now, the truth is, most people don’t consciously recognize their own resistance. As a result, they don’t acknowledge that they have it. Thus, it becomes a silent saboteur to their success.
There is a lot we could say about resistance, but I am most interested in helping you recognize when you have it and then how to deal with it.
The first thing to realize is that resistance is not, in and of itself, bad. It is usually a part of the non-conscious mind doing its best to ensure your survival.
That is not to say that it is right… just that it thinks it is right.
I have a particular one come up periodically — whenever I am about to tell one of my goals or dreams to someone else. It is very hard for me to do because that part of my brain warns me that it is an unsafe practice. This is because in my childhood and adolescence any articulation of dreams or goals was either ridiculed as impractical or the enthusiasms of a fool. It didn’t take long for my brain to learn that sharing dreams and goals was not in my best interest.
If I was still in the same environment, it would be right. But I am not. And so, what was once a useful survival skill (survival as in coping successfully with the environment) now is a misguided effort that blocks achieving those goals.
Because I am aware of this issue, I can deal with it when it surfaces and make a rational choice about whether or not it is useful in the specific situation.
So, how do you recognize if you have your own internal resistance to one of your goals?
The fastest way to recognize internal resistance (which leads to self-sabotaging behavior if ignored) is to listen for the “yeah, buts”. What are “yeah, buts”? When you say, “I intend to ____” do you hear a little voice in your head that says, “Yeah, but….” and then has a reason why you shouldn’t do [whatever it was you intended to do]?
Sometimes it isn’t so much the actual words, but is a feeling… maybe in your gut… maybe somewhere else. Maybe a headache or a “pain in the neck” or a “pain in the a..”.
In my own example above, it would be a serious feeling of vulnerability… like I was facing someone with a knife pointed at me as I prepared to tell them my intended goal. There is no mistaking that my “survival system” is feeling threatened.
(By the way, for some other situations, I hear a voice (my parents’ voice or my own?) in my head actually saying words… sometimes they may even start out saying, “yeah, but…”.)
Next time, I want to talk about how to deal with that internal resistance once you have identified it. In the meantime, practice looking for it, recognizing it, and then identifying how it manifests in your system. For “bonus points”, identify where it has been holding you back in your life.
Edit: The followup post to this one is http://blog.careerandbusinessmentor.com/2010/so-deal-with-it/
Your turn. How does internal resistance feel to you? Use the comments and share your story with us.
Tags: inner resistance, self-sabotage, success
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